Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
