i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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