DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
