maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
