I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
