Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
