she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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