The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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