Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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