he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
