She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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