they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
