ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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