I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
