I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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