I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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