And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up