Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
