Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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