Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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