why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
