Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
