But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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