I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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