I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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