i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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