gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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