Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
