They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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