We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.