I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
