dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
