Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
