I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
