I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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