Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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