If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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