oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
