It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize