First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
