One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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