people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
