How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
