Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In America we eat man semen.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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