Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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