everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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