Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
