He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
