I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
