i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
