kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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