dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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