I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize