Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize