I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
