hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
