Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
