I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
