Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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