hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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