I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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