I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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