A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I touched a dick in church today
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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