you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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