Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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