Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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