Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
