I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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