i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
