So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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