They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
